Ep 3: The one with the Shoulds
Challenge: do 10 minutes of yoga led by Sandy or do something to get to know you better
This week Sandy has an expression “stop shoulding yourself!”. When you stop and listen to how we talk to each other and ourselves... I should go to bed now, I should get the kids ready for school tomorrow, I should already have a successful career. It takes away this mindfulness and being present and all the research shows that the more mindful and present you can be the happier you are, the more joy you have, peace, less anxiety & depression. The biggest should of all - social media. How it pulls us away from our present and makes us think about all the things we think we should be or do.
Having a kid made Sandy realize how un-present she can be. She and Stella go on run/scooter rides and Stella will stop to look at a squirrel or do something along the way. The immediate reaction tends to be, we should be getting somewhere, we should keep moving but instead let’s realize when (it’s not always an option) we could just sit and watch the squirrel.
Alex struggles with that as well, as the kids get older they have an additional awareness that you are on your phone and not paying attention to them. That has been a very physical reminder to put it away, try to be present. She tries to be intentional about her days, schedule and calendar to set up work blocks and family blocks so that she can be very present. But you need to ACTUALLY be present with the kids and not run through the to do list of things she should be doing. No she should be present with the children, that’s it. When she looks back at herself in 5 years, would that woman being saying to me now, wow you really should have gotten that podcast launched 2 weeks earlier! No, it’s not going to matter at all. We are doing it and enjoying it. Lessons.
Lots of reminders #mindfulness #bemindful #yoga and yes they are amazing tools but it feels crazy that there have to be so many external tools to help us be present and mindful of where we are today? Alex is working with a small coaching group right now, and wanted to integrate two 5 minute meditations into her week. She struggles with it but wants to keep trying. She can’t just sit and breathe yet though, she needs to listen to someone tell me. The distraction is the focus. It’s also hard to dedicate time to these practices, like exercise, during the pandemic, 60 minutes probably isn’t realistic, but getting 10 or 12 minutes could be doable. It’s something you can give to yourself, be mindful and aware and re-energize.
Sandy encourages you to think back to your favorite exercise class, cup of coffee, meal, etc and why was that so significant - because you were THERE and nothing else mattered. When we should ourselves we take ourselves out of the ability to flow or be present. Sandy likes to say ridiculous things while teaching a class to make people laugh and stop thinking about how many calories they have to burn or if they look silly, or what they have to do that day and just be there and present. I should be stronger by now, I should be more flexible by now. If you can reduce the number of times you “should on” yourself then you get more of the “yummy” stuff. It’s not the yoga helping you be mindful, it’s the mindful intention of being no where else. This can be a really uncomfortable feeling.
Physically uncomfortable with a rise in cortisol levels, your sympathetic nervous system, your heart start pumping, but you can practice this anywhere. This idea links to goals as well, should reach our goal but not seeing the little habits that are going to get you there.
On the slip side, if you aren’t shoulding on yourself, maybe you aren’t thinking about the next big milestone. Just acknowledge and be with the should, understand the insecurity or the real reason. We have both learned to be intentional, today is where you should be, and chip away at the goal. Practice and make it a habit, can I rescript the should and understand why one keeps coming up.
Sandy led Alex in a 10 minute morning yoga practice for a moving meditation and be with yourself, link below to watch! On the mat and in the chair version.
